“Weekend Update – News that Matters” is a weekly feature that offers brief overviews of important news that you may have missed during a busy holiday weekend. Here’s what, no pun intended, may have flown under your radar in the period December 13 through December 17, 2024.
@BARTLEBY
[Editor’s Note: @Bartleby is our newest addition to our “News That Matters” throughout the week. Herman Melville’s short story “Bartleby the Scrivener” is likely one of the greatest practical jokes to make it into print by an American author, and it is in Bartleby’s (and Melville’s) honor that we name this section. If there any comments, please note my policy as relates thereto: “I would prefer not to make any change.”]
A GOTCHA GANG MEMBER, COMMA TSAR, AND QUOTATION QUOTIDIEN WALK INTO A BAR….
“How do you do. This is a new column about language.”
Thus opened William Safire’s inaugural “On Language” column almost a half century ago on February 18, 1979. Safire, who hadn’t finished college and had never studied Latin, relished the idea of becoming the usage dictator of the English speaking world, or at least the Times’ language maven.
He promised readers that he would explore “new words, vogue phrases, and the intriguing roots of everyday discourse – with occasionally crotchety observations on everything from proper usage to impropaganda.”
The column’s deceptively modest opening volley then led into a moment of linguistic self-reflection: Should “how do you do” be punctuated with a question mark? Much to many readers’ surprise – including that of yours truly – he decided that the question mark was not appropriate in this particular case, explaining that his simple greeting was an act of telling, not asking.
Safire, who went on to write some 1,300 “On Language” columns and garnered millions of fans and hundreds, if not thousands, of what we might today refer to as followers. The gleeful Gotcha Gang and its modest affiliate, the Nit-pickers League, comprised readers numbering in the hundreds who were ardent lovers of the English language and happy – no, ecstatic – to inform the Usage Dictator that the king worst no clothing, or, at the very least, that he worst fairly skimpy garments.
One fervent member of the Gotcha Gang who publicly reveled in his attempts to take down the dictator was FBT The Travelist Editorial Director Jonathan Spira, whom Safire called “a persnickety nitpicker” in print. Even the names of the Gotcha Gang and, in particular, Nitpicker’s League, are telling. In a column published on January 28, 2001, the placement of the apostrophe in “Nitpicker’s” was reported as having been challenged, to wit:
“Longtime readers of On Language are familiar with, or are members of, the vf, described here decades ago as ‘shock troops of the Nitpicker’s League’ (the sort who insist that it be written “Nitpickers’ League” and have their own rump faction who demand hyphenation as nit-pickers). The G.G. takes particular delight in correcting the resident grammarian in mock-furious letters directed to ‘you, of all people.’”
This column was written in memory of Basilio Alferow, also a member of the Gotcha Gang and Nitpicker’s League, who until his recent untimely demise served for 14 years as the Comma Tsar, Quotation Quotidien, and Imprecise Meaning Impresario at Accura Media Group, the parent of Frequent Business Traveler and The Travelist, and held the same titles at think tank Basex for 12 years. Prior to that, Mr. Alferow was vice president of research at Spiratone, at the time the largest supplier of photographic accessories in the United States. A memorial service will be held in January, and details will be announced closer to the service. The lede photograph for today’s issue of News That Matters, “Moscow at night, as seen from the Four Seasons Hotel,” was Mr. Alferow’s favorite photograph of Moscow.
@DEADLINE
Ukraine Kills Senior Russian General in Moscow Scooter Bombing. Lieutenant General Igor Kirillov, who commanded the Russian Armed Forces’ Radiological, Chemical and Biological Defense Troops, is the most senior commander to be killed in the heart of the Russian capital since Russia invaded Ukraine. According to Russian law-enforcement officials, Kirillov was killed outside a residential building along with his assistant.
Fed Cuts Rates for Third Time This Year. The Federal Reserve announced a rate cut for the third time in 2024. The Fed, whose missionit is to central control of the monetary system in order to alleviate financial crisecut interest rates by a quarter point and suggested only two more reductions next year. Jerome H. Powell, the Fed chair, said the latest cut was a “closer call” than before, as inflation lingers.
Congress Shifts Into Reverse. In the lower chamber of the U.S. Congress, the House Ethics Committee secretly voted earlier this month to release its report into the conduct of former Congressman Matt Gaetz before the end of the 118th Congress.
Fruit cocktails, beware! Red dye No. 3, the food colorant that has been linked to behavioral problems in children, including inattention and hyperactivity, may yet be banned by the U.S. Food and Drug Administration, source told The Travelist and Frequent Business Traveler. The food dye is largely banned in the European Union. Mars, which famously removed red candies in M&M packages in 1976 because they were colored with now-banned Red Dye No. 2 and brought them back using a mix of Red 3 and Red 40 in 1987, has since dropped Red Dye No. 3 from the ingredient list.
Taxi drivers die at lower rates from Alzheimer’s than those in other professions. A new study, published earlier this week in The BMJ, used data from the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention that connected cause of death to people’s occupations. The researchers found that taxi drivers die at lower rates from Alzheimer’s disease than people in other professions. They surmised that this is because the job of taxi driver involves exercising the parts of the brain that are responsible for navigation day in and day.
In wake of no confidence vote, Germany’s government collapses. Bundeskanzler Olaf Scholz lost a vote of no confidence after weeks of infighting with his coalition partners on a 2025 budget and Germany’s future economic policy.
The Felon Remains Guilty. Judge denies Trump’s bid to toss hush money case. New York Supreme Court Justice Juan Merchan ruled that the Supreme Court’s expansion of presidential immunity did not negate Trump’s conviction in May for falsifying business records connected to a hush money payment to an adult film actress. Trump was convicted earlier in the year on a 34-count felony conviction involving hush money payments to an adult-film actress.
The Pit Diaper is the viral product you may never need. Liquid Death, a canned water company whose tagline is “murder your thirst,” unveiled a product developed in collaboration with Depend, a manufacturer of adult incontinence products, allows concertgoers to stay in the mosh pit or front row without worrying about bathroom breaks.
@BRIEFLY NOTED
No Parking. San Franciscans are voicing their frustration in how parking scofflaws are not being penalized after piling up tens of thousands of dollars in parking fines. The leading miscreant, the owner of a black two-door Mercedes, has a breathtaking 236 citations. His unpaid fines total more than $52,600.
United Healthcare Shooter Indicted. Luigi Mangione was indicted in New York on Monday for the murder of UnitedHealthcare CEO Brian Thompson. Mangione faces 11 counts, including one of murder in the first-degree and two of murder in the second-degree in Thompson’s killing on December 4 in New York, along with other weapon and forgery charges, the indictment says.
Timothy Perry, Jesse Sokolow, Jonathan Spira, Kurt Stolz, and Paul Riegler contributed to this issue of Midweek Update.
(Photo: Accura Media Group)
